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主题：翻译大赛第一期点评〖副贴〗NO39~NO50号作品

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〖爱词霸奥运英语版“戴尔杯”翻译大赛第一期点评〗NO39~NO50号作品

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爱词霸奥运英语版“戴尔杯”翻译大赛第一期点评〖主贴〗

三十九号作品：土豆娃娃
What is the connotation of the Olympic Spirit? Being the culture distinguished-(有这个词吗?)gathering and cultural heritage of all humankind, its splendid connotation and the(the可以省略) importance are playing an(a)more and more important part in human life.

The Olympic can be an attitude towards life. Its spirits emphasize that humankind can possess healthy body as well as soul,(人类可以追求心灵?)  optimistic inspirit, the enthusiasm and pursuing about life by self-training and self-participation.

The Olympic can be a modern ethic with the harmonious, free, healthy and zealous characteristics. The lifestyle(of) Olympic spirit wants to build up is on the basic(on the basic? Or on the basis)  of experiencing the pleasure in the struggle, excellent model education value(看不懂哈?) and the basic canonizing about the ethics.

The Olympic movement is considered as the common heritage of human civilization, the following items(个人觉得这个词语不好)  such as exciting tournaments, training for the volunteers, establishment of the venue(不懂啊,venue建立?s) , concept of city design and plan, highlight of art performances, broadcasting and watching absout games covered the whole world, all these can become the precious and vsaluable Olympic heritage.

Today, Olympic (spirit) has become a common desire, a common expectation and a common wish to the mankind of the whole world. The lapse(?) of year will add more and more abundant new connotation to become the innovating and increasing precious mental culture heritage of the mankind.

点评: 词语表达不太到位,看下来不顺畅,建议取词和结构上多考虑下.

评分:79

四十号作品：游泳的水草
What is the deep meaning of Olympic spirit?（deep meaning过于强求） It will become the cultural pageant and civilized(文化的?文明的?s)  heritage of human being. Its rich meaning and importance for our life is growing day by day. Olympic is a kind of attitude of life. Through exercising ourselves and joining ourselves in society, and then we will have healthy physique, optimistic spirit, passion and going in for wonderful life is what Olympic spirit wants to emphasize.(我找不到主语啊.)  Olympic is a kind of concordant, free, healthy, active and modern moral thought. The life style that Olympic-ism wants to establish is based on the delight that can get from fighting, educational value of outstanding example and basal confirmation for common moral thought. Olympic sports（sport） is a kind of common heritage for civilization of human being. Impassioned and exciting match, training for Young Volunteers, constructing(construction) the gymnasiums, the design of city layout, the wonderful performance, and the matches(前面是单数,后面又是复数,建议保持一致 ) will be televised and watched by the people all over the world. All of them will be the value Olympic heritage. Recently, Olympic has already become a kind of common dream, common expectation, and common desire for all of us. As time goes by, it will enrich and increase new deep meaning ceaselessly. And it will innovate and increase ceaselessly and become the value spiritual and cultural heritage of mankind.

点评：翻译就是看关键词组,这点很重要，词语需要在斟酌.长句表达时候要把握住主谓语.

评分:77

四十一号作品：ziyiqss

What's the meaning of Olympic games spirit? It has become all human's cultural pageant and civililization legacy. Its rich connotation and the importance to human life are growing day by day.The Olympic is a sort of attitude to life. It insists that we chase(是不是可以用pursue比较好) the health, optimism, happy life by self-excercising(exercising) and self-participation in the games .The Olympic is a positive current ethic of harmony, freedom, health. The life style to be established is based on the joy and the educational value of excellent model in the games as well as the usual(普通的?这个词语是不是可以换一个) thory(theory) .The Olympic is the common heritage of huaman(human) civilization. they all have become precious legacy including the exciting match, the training of young volunteers, the building of gym, the design of city, the excellent art peforrmance and the world wide match living(是想说alive?) and viewing .Today ,the Olympic has become all humen's(似乎没有这种写法应为human’s) common desiration(desire) ,wish and expectation. Its increasing connation has become precious spiritual legacy for human to create consistently.

点评：基本结构上还是可以的，但语法与词汇上存在的错误还是蛮多的，注意拼写，继续努力.

评分:73

四十二号作品：快乐译族

What is the content(合适吗,这个词语) of Olympic Spirit? It has become a cultural galaxy(cultural pageant会比较好) and civilization heritage of all mankind. There is an ever increasing growth in its content diversity and its influence on human life.The Olympic Spirit is a kind of attitude towards life, emphasizing self-exercise and self-participation to let everyone enjoy a sound body 、an optimistic view and a relentless(relentless用在这里不太适合) love and pursuit of wonderful life.The Olympic Spirit is a kind of harmonious、free 、sound and active modern ethic. The way of life Ollympic（Olympic） Spirit calls for is built on the basis of the joy from struggle 、civilizing influene(influence) of good example and the basic admiration of general ethics. The Olympic events is the common heritage of human civilization, covering exciting games 、the training of young volunteers、the construction of Olympic venues、the idea of urban planning、the brilliant artistic performances and global coverage of the race broadcast and watch. Today ,the Olympic Spirit has become a common aspiration、expectation、and wish of all humanity(all human or human). It diversifies with its increasing new content as the time passes and has become human’s valuable spiritual heritage which is being increasingly innovated.

点评：觉得句子的组织还是可以的，有的用词还需要改进，语法基本没太大问题可见功底还是相当不错的。

评分：79分

四十三号作品：了安

what's the meanning(meaning) of the Olympic Spirit? It has became the Cultural Festival an civilization heritage of human, it’s rich connotations are daily on the increase as well as it's importance to human life.

olympic(Olympic) is a kind of attitude to life.olympic(Olympic) spirit emphasizes that people should get healthy body, upbeat(这词太口语了吧) attitudes as well as love and pursuit of better life by exercise habits(exercising这个是什么?) and self-involvement.

olympic(Olympic) is a kind of modern theory which cotains（contains） harmony, freedom, health and positive（注意这个是adj.). The life style the olympism(Olympism) wants to establish is at(on) the basis of fun in the struggle, educational value of excellent example and basic respected（respect这个是什么?） of general theory.

olympic is a kind of common inheritance of human civilization. The stirring game,training of young volunteer,establishment of stadiums and gymnasiums, conception of city planning, brilliant performance, brocast and watch of globle (global?) coverage race all become precious olympic(Olympic) heritage.

Today,olympic(Olympic) has became a kind of common desire, common expectation, common wish of all human.

As time goes by,it has being constantly enriched and added new meanings, it has proved to be constantly created and accumulated precious spiritual heritage of all human.

点评：注意专业名词首字的大写Olympic，注意大小写,注意拼写,注意词性.

评分：75分

四十四号作品：sunflower0518

What does Olympic Spirit stands for? It has been a cultrual(cultural) pageant and civilization heritage for all mankind. Its rich connotation and its importance for human life are growing day by day.

Olympic （Olympic 前加上不定寇词The会好些）is a kind of attitude towards life. Olympic spirit lays emphasis on obtaining physique(这个词合适吗) health and optimistic spirit by means of self-exercises and self-participation as well as the love and pursuit for good life.

Olympic is one kind of modern ethics of harmony, freedom, health, positiveness. Olympic spirit aims at setting up a kind of living manner based on joy experiencing(不太确定是否有这样的说法) in striving, (on后面接的吗?)teaching value of excellent models and basic encomium of common ethic.

Olympic sports is（are这个单复数不是很好把握） the common heritage of human civilization. The fierce and excitable competition, the training of youth volunteers, the building of olympics venues, the conception of city planning, the colorful art preformance, the transmission and watching of the games covering the world are all becoming precious olympic heritages.

Today, Olympic has become the common desire, expectation and wish of the whole mankind. With the time flowing, it becomes richer(什么东西richer?), new connotation are added, becoming valuable heritageof spiritual culture of human beings.

点评：整篇过于僵硬如再灵活点就好，建议注意取词和句子的结构。

点评:77

最后由 leo520 于 2008-08-11 08:16:30编辑

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Just do it! Trust no Future, however pleasant 　　Let the dead past bury its dead! 　　Act, act in the living present! 　　Heart within, and God overhead! 　　If you fail, let it be! 　　Just try again until you made it! 　　别信任未来，无论未来的憧憬多么可爱！　　让死亡的过去永远埋葬

楼主 Date: 2008-08-04 22:13:06

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四十五号作品：shelleycao

What is the profound meaning of Olympics Spirits（profound用在这里不太理想）? Being the cultural occasion and civilization heritage of human-beings all over the world, its abundant meaning and deep influence to human lives（life） is becoming more and more important day by day.

Olympics has been(这个时态不太认可The Olympic is an attitude to life较好) an attitude to life, which emphasizes on enjoying and pursuing a better life with healthy body and optimistic spirit by self-practicing and self participating(这个说法比较怀疑).

Olympics has been a modern ethic, which is harmonious, free, healthy and positive. The joys in the experience of making efforts , the educational values from excellent examples and the pursuit for general ethics are exactly the basis of the life style that Olympics is trying to build.

Olympics has been a shared heritage for human civilizations. The passionate competition in(on?) the ground, the training to(of?) the young volunteers, the building of sports stadiums , the ideas for the city layout, the brilliant performance to the audience and the competition re-broadcasting and watching all over the world have also been precious Olympics Heritage.

In Nowadays(要用in 吗), Olympics has been the shared desire, expectation and wishes(wish) for all the human-beings. As time goes by, It(it分句不需大写) will become the continuously innovated and amplified precious spiritual and cultural heritage of human in the process of persistent enrichment and renewal.

点评：时态把握需加强，用词上突破点，继续努力,长句分开翻很好,但是也要注意.

评分：74分

四十六号作品：黑暗中

what's（What’s篇首注意大写） called olympic(Olympic) game ? (该句没有太多吸引力) It has become cultural celebration and civilization heritage of all  human. It luxuriant meaning and importance to human life are increased steadily.
      Olympic is a sort of life attitude.  Olympic spirit emphasizes to possess(动词+of???) of powerful physique, optimistic spirit and the passion and pursuit for wonderful life.
   Olympic is a sort of activity(用active较好) thoery（theory） of(of+n=adj.后面三个词语应该用名词形式) harmonious, freedom and health. The lifestyle that olympic philosophy aims to set up is based on the fun in the struggle and education of excellent examples and the based canonize for normal ethic(不明白based是adj.吗?后面接动词?).
Olympic is the corporate heritage of human. Ethusiastic（Enthusiastic） and exciting game ,train of young volumteers(volunteers), building gym and palaestra, city planning, splendid performs, watching and rediffusion(?) of game all over the world , which all are the heritage of Olympic(此句语法有点问题)
   Nowadays, Olympic has become a sort of desirability(??) ,hope ,wish. It is becoming luxutiant(luxuriant) with time and make more connotation constantly. It will become heritage of spirit and culture for innovating constantly and increasing constantly of human.

点评：注意取词,注意用法，用词较平淡，语法需加强。注意取词,注意用法.

评分：71分

四十七号作品：dolphin0592
What is the meaning of Olympic Spirit? It becomes the cultural bash and civilization legacy to all humanity(这个词有创新？). Its richness content（contents更有韵味） and its importance to human live are（is） increasing day by day.Olympic is a live(life) attitude. Olympic Spirit impress us to (impress to???)have a healthy body, optimistic spirit and passion and persuit(pursuit) for beautiful live through self exercise and self participation(怀疑这几个说法). Olympic is a morden(modern) ethic with harmous（harmony）, freedom, health and activity. The life style that Olympic Ism want to set up is based on finding interest from struggle, good example of education value and basic identity with normal ethics. Olympic Athletics is a public legacy of human civilization. Stimulating match, training for youth volunteers, construction of palaestras, construct of city planning, wonderful art performance, global covered match transform and watching are become a trasureous(trasureous这个词我米学过用treasures较好) Olimpic（Olympic） Legacy. Today, Olympic has become a one wish, one hope and one toaste(?) for all humanity. It will be riching, increasing new content by time elapse and be humanity’s creativing and growing valued Spirit Legacy.（这几个时态怪别扭的）

点评：个人觉得对于文章原文把握不准确,取词还是需要谨慎些，注意加强经典语句可升华。

评分：74分

四十八号作品：jinwenjun_tm
What does the Olympic spirit mean? It has been the culture gathering and heritage of the whole human beings, its rich inside and the（这个the看起来好不舒服） importance to the human's life are increasing with the passing days(with the passing days？). The Olympic is a kind of life attitude. Olympic spirit emphasizes possessing the physical and mental health（mental表心里不能着重表体魄）, the optimism, the passion and pursuit for a better life.
The Olympic is a kind of modern ethic which is full of harmony, liberty, health and ensusiasm(这个是???). The life style which the Olympism will set up is based on the fun enjoyed from the arduous efforts, education value of the remarkable model and the basic advocation to the common ethic.
The Olympic Games are the common heritages of the human civilization. What will all become the Olympic heritages are the hot and intense matches, the training to the young volunteers, the newly constructed gymnasiums, the design for the city scheme, the wonderful artistic performances and the games' broadcast and view covered all over the world.
Currently, the Olympic has been the common willingness, expectation and wish of the whole human race. It enriches and adds new knowledge to the original as the time elapse and becomes the precious ideological and cultural legacy of human, which have been increasingly innovated and developed.

点评：全文不是很顺畅，希望下次能看到你更好的作品。

评分：80分

四十九号作品：yangliuq
      What is the connotation of Olympic spirit? It is cultural banquet and civilization heritage for the whole human(这样改不介意吧human beings). Its rich content and importance to human’s life is increasing gradually.
      Olympic is an attitude of life. Olympic spirit emphasizes healthy body , optimistic spirit by takeing(taking) exercises and participating as well as  the love for life.　　
      Olympic is an(a) harmonious, free, health, positive modern ethic. Joys from struggle, educational value of excellent examples and the confirm(confirmation?) for normal ethic are the bases on which living patters are to set by  olympicism(后半句是什么从句,没有看懂).
　　Olympic game is a kind of common heritage of human civilization. Warm and exciting game, training for young  volunteers, construction of gymnasium , conceive(用这个词合适吗?) of urban plan, wonderful art show ,and match rebroadcasting and watching covering globe become the valuable Olympic heritage.
   Today Olympic has been the common will , same  expection（expectation） and wish of whole human. With time pass by, it enriches its content and become human’s precious innovative and enhancive culture heritage.

点评：此文还是蛮有个性的，需加强翻译的手法，注意你从句的表达,否则就用短句。

评分：76分

五十号作品：Michaelsun
What is the spirit of Olympic（这句较平淡似抄菜没加盐一样加个connotation较好）? As the cultural festival and civilization heritage of all humanity, its fertile connotation and its（its建议省略） importance for human life is being increased（用increasing流畅）.
Olympic is a kind of attitude to（of） life. The spirit of Olympic emphasizes we should get the healthy body, optimistic mood and love and pursuit of wonderful life by self-exercise and self-join(self-participation).
Olympic is a kind of ethics based on harmony, freedom, health and positivity. The spirit of Olympic will build up a kind of way of life based on the pleasure from the hard work, educational value of good examples and the pursuit of common ethics.
Olympic sports are the common heritage of human civilization. Wonderful match, training for Young Volunteers(为什么用大写?), construction of sports venues, Idea of City(?) plan and design, colorful(?) artistic performance, telecasting and watching sports events worldwidely are precious Olympic heritage.
Today, Olympic has become the human common desire, common expectation and common wish. And as time is going on, it will be enriched continuously, and new connotation will be added continuously, and it will become human precious spirit and cultural heritage that continue to innovate and enrich.