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主题:【C-E 翻译之星】郭沫若《路畔的蔷薇》

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路畔的蔷薇


郭沫若

  

清晨往松林里去散步,我在林荫路畔发现了一束被人遗弃了的蔷薇。


  蔷薇的花色还是鲜艳的,一朵紫红,一朵嫩红,一杂是病黄的象牙色中带着几分血晕。
  

我把蔷薇拾在手里了。


  青翠的叶上已经凝集着细密的露珠,这显然是昨夜被人遗弃了的。


  这是可怜的少女受了薄幸的男子的欺绐?还是不幸的青年受了轻狂的妇人的玩弄呢? 昨晚上甜蜜的私语,今朝的冷清的露珠……


  我把蔷薇拿到家里来了,我想找个花瓶来供养她。


  花瓶我没有,我在一只墙角上寻着了一个断了颈子的盛酒的土瓶。


  ——蔷薇哟,我虽然不能供养你以春酒,但我要供养你以清洁流泉,清洁的素心。

你在这破土瓶中虽然不免要凄凄寂寂地飘零,但比遗弃在路旁被人践踏了的好罢?


注意:请词友们尽量翻译。拒绝机译。勿copy他人译本。也不要从网上复制答案。

一经发现上述违规现象,一律做删帖处理。


最后由 溟生 于 2009-05-27 10:22:06编辑
心生双翼,宁静致远。岁月静好,你我同歌。
楼主 Date: 2009-05-27 09:54:26
为什么每次都是诗词的翻译~~ 这样很有压力的~~ 翻不好感觉是对原作的不尊重呢~~
Date: 2009-05-27 12:44:51


引用溟生于2009-05-27 12:51发表的文章:
就只一次是诗歌的翻译,其他都是散文,这也是散文,不是诗词,MM

版主怎么可以以大欺小~:-(  我说诗歌确实笼统了~乍看之下像散文诗,所以就说成诗了~ 
Date: 2009-05-27 14:10:42


引用溟生于2009-05-27 15:58发表的文章:
额,我几时以大欺小了啊,汗

The way you present ~~
Date: 2009-05-28 17:55:37


引用Alexcwlin于2009-05-28 09:21发表的文章:

路畔的蔷薇

清晨往松林里去散步,我在林荫路畔发现了一束被人遗弃了的蔷薇。

蔷薇的花色还是鲜艳的,一朵紫红,一朵嫩红,一杂是病黄的象牙色中带着几分血晕。
 
我把蔷薇拾在手里了。[...


Huh~~ incredible~~
Date: 2009-05-29 16:42:01


引用Alexcwlin于2009-05-28 09:21发表的文章:

路畔的蔷薇

清晨往松林里去散步,我在林荫路畔发现了一束被人遗弃了的蔷薇。

蔷薇的花色还是鲜艳的,一朵紫红,一朵嫩红,一杂是病黄的象牙色中带着几分血晕。
 
我把蔷薇拾在手里了。[...


I ever felt good about my language competency (both written and verbal) until I read your writings. Apparently there's huge room for improvement I have to go for. A bit discouraged, well, it also inspired me for becoming better. Hope to communicate with you more in this forum.   
Date: 2009-05-29 17:33:08
帖主对此回复很满意,所以奖励 1 积分给沅芷澧兰


引用Alexcwlin于2009-05-29 22:38发表的文章:
沅芷澧: Wow, that's a great compliment! Are you sure you are talking about me?  溟生, give her all my points in this contest (which I already know is zero anyway from 溟生, haha).

Kidding aside, I know there are many, many guys way better than me in English out there. The attitude of acknowledging you are inadequate is first and foremost for improvemen...

I guess you don’t mean to insult me but the way you put your query (please refer to the bold texts) seems otherwise. How can I be so silly that I don’t even know what I’m talking about? LOL…

Though I agree with your remark that attitude is critical in this case, I believe it needs to be supported by actions or even strategies for any success achieved.

A bit reluctant to say, English has been my first language for over 10 years but now I find myself in an embarrassing state whereby I can hardly progress further. (I scored pretty well in almost all my essay writings during my undergraduate years in business management which made me a bit over-confident)

Maybe I’m just too used to stay in my own comfort zone and thus do not bother to improve. Or perhaps I’m too slack to move forward. That’s why I need motivation. Thanks for providing me with that “Vitamin M”. I would appreciate more if you can advise me on what to do to progress myself.  :-)
最后由 沅芷澧兰 于 2009-06-01 15:55:07编辑
Date: 2009-06-01 15:33:39
帖主对此回复很满意,所以奖励 1 积分给沅芷澧兰


引用Alexcwlin于2009-05-29 22:38发表的文章:
沅芷澧: Wow, that's a great compliment! Are you sure you are talking about me?  溟生, give her all my points in this contest (which I already know is zero anyway from 溟生, haha).

Dear 溟生~~ please take note of what Alex has agreed. If you were to award him with any point, it shall be credited to my account. Thanks.
Date: 2009-06-01 16:55:13


引用Alexcwlin于2009-06-01 22:31发表的文章:
沅芷澧兰: Now I'm really in trouble. I better go into hiding for a few months and if you guys don't see me, you know why.

Yes, 溟生, please give all my points to appease our lovely 沅芷澧兰 (can you give me negative points, haha?)

Please note that I'm not a teacher nor a professional writer, and you may be learning from the wrong guy.
最后由 Alexcwlin ...

I don't catch the ball. What trouble are you in?

Indeed I never imagine you being a teacher, a writer or someone whose job is in close association with language itself. Where work is concerned, language, to most people, is just a basic tool that facilitates the smooth running of daily routine.

Btw, I don't mind learning form the wrong guy, as long as I can acquire something out of him.  ;p
最后由 沅芷澧兰 于 2009-06-02 12:42:26编辑
Date: 2009-06-02 12:40:44


引用卷叶虫于2009-06-02 09:43发表的文章:
Alex兄,你写的话,我不能流畅的看懂,很多单词看不懂,该咋办?

其实正如Alex自己说的,他的用词并不复杂~~ 如果真的看不懂的话,MM要加强词汇量了~~ ;p
Date: 2009-06-02 12:49:45
帖主对此回复很满意,所以奖励 1 积分给沅芷澧兰


引用Alexcwlin于2009-06-02 00:39发表的文章:
沅芷澧兰:
Let me (让我) take a stab (尝试一下) at answering your question on how to improve (增进) English in your case (在你的例子).  

...

First of all, thank you for your time in answering my doubt. As I mentioned in my earlier reply, language is a communication tool to most people. That is applicable to me as well. Nevertheless, people have different sets of expectations. How do you define "good" or "very good"? Again, it cannot be standardized with the presence of various criteria or measurements. As for me, I'm not thinking of going into the extend of being a famed writer/ speaker, lawyer or whoever, though I do appreciate of having that capability of transforming words into power.

You know what, I came abroad when I was in my second year of high school, and that was 11 years ago. Despite the fact that English was one of my strongest subjects, I found myself facing barrier in communicating with my non-Chinese schoolmates.

I always remember the embarrassment I encountered in one of the very first few days – a Malay friend was asking if I could give her a piece of tissue. I was stuck, thinking what tissue was until she pointed at my tissue pack. Thereafter, I consciously befriend with those who don’t speak Mandarin, forcing myself to practice my oral English. Well, it helps.

Later on I even joined in my school debate team. Being the last speaker, my task was to summarize what the first 2 speakers had said. It was indeed very stressful. I was the only Chinese there and I felt like quitting, finally I did. Frankly that wasn't the right place for me, at least not at that time.

During my undergraduate years, I lived at on-campus accommodation. Out of my 4 flat-mates, 3 were Australians and 1 was from UK. I was a good friend of the UK lady as we two shared something in common, particularly in perceptions. She was the one who proofread my essays in the very beginning, but a year later, our roles switched.

I hope you don't find me longwinded. All I wanted to say is that practice do play an important role in enhancing one's language ability. Too bad that I don't see the continuous improvement within me, it seems stop somewhere but never progress further.

To answer your questions:- (a) If I were given a choice, of course the higher the better. (b) Primarily, language is for communication purpose. If you are talking about the basic functions of language, ie. interacting & understanding, you are right, my current level is probably sufficient. However, I believe one's language ability is an intangible asset that a person possesses, just like education and intelligence. In this regard, it's my desire to be equipped with the ability, perhaps just to make me feel good about myself. Of course, who knows it may be something that will help me along in the future. With this, I hope I have also answered your question on why I bother to improve.

Huh, again I feel like writing an essay, lucky not thesis. ;p

So what would you suggest me to do, with all the information I provided above?
Date: 2009-06-02 17:08:05


引用Alexcwlin于2009-06-02 23:36发表的文章:
沅芷澧兰: Actually I'm positive many readers here are greatly appreciative of what you write and benefitting from it. Really, how often have people here seen stimulating verbal duels in English like this?

We can be sitting on a gold mine and don’t know it. Maybe we can charge these guys here ICIBA points for watching our ...


I suppose your comments represent a form of compliment?

It may be a good idea to charge the onlookers ICIBA points. But I don’t want French fries, can I have burgers instead? LOL… Shall we make a proposal to 溟生, but you know what will likely be his response. I guess it’s probably that “You guys have been asking for too much. You shall thank me for not banning you two from flooding my thread with the non-stop off-topic discussion”.

Btw, is that right for us to do so here, in this thread, I mean?

FYI, I’m a joint-venture educational product of China, Singapore and Australia. (My bachelor studies was at Australia and Singapore is the place for my master studies) I would not comment much on the teaching syllabus here as I know if I do so, argument will arise and it may take another couple of weeks for us to come to a compromising stand.

Alex, you are honest enough to admit on your inadequacy in Chinese. How about that I being your tutor for Chinese language, in return, you help to shape my English standard? That’s a win-win approach for us both. Don’t you think it’s a great idea? ;p

Your remark is indeed inspiring. I hope you do remember what you’ve said. Next time when you are in the position to hire, I’ll come to look for you. By then I don’t wish to hear some excuses such as “did I say so” or “I was just kidding”. (Haha, this time you are really in big trouble)
Date: 2009-06-03 11:40:56


引用Alexcwlin于2009-06-03 01:18发表的文章:
沅芷澧兰: You really did this to me this time. You got me to speak my mind and a lot of people are going to be really mad at me.

Do you know a place in Singapore where I can surgically change my Eagle face, adopt another name, a...


What did I do? Come on, I’m innocent and I mean no harm. In fact you are the one who made me tell my own stories. How can you push the fault to me?  :-(

Singapore is not an ideal place for plastic surgery, neither an appropriate place to hide as restricted by its size. Well, if you don’t mind, I may take you in for some time, provided that you make rental payment to me.  ;p   I may even find you a lawyer to draft a deed poll for you. Good service, Huh?
Date: 2009-06-03 12:09:47


引用Alexcwlin于2009-05-30 22:52发表的文章:
The clause "when time and circumstances permit" is an adverbial clause functioning as an adverb to modify the verb "meet".

Within that clause, the verb "permit" describes what the two nouns "time" and "circumstances" are doing.

Grammatically I think it is fine. To confirm, I Google at the US site the phrase "when time and circumstan...


Dear 溟生, I thought it’s a mutual agreement that all Alex’s points will be credited to me? You overlooked, or you forgot? 调皮
Date: 2009-06-03 16:26:30


引用溟生于2009-06-03 16:29发表的文章:
It's an agreement between u and Alex, so u can ask Alex to post a new thread for ur deserved points.

wow~ that sounds very unfriendly~ are you really mad at me for carrying on the off-topic discussion here?
Date: 2009-06-03 16:41:20


引用溟生于2009-06-03 16:45发表的文章:
No, not at all. I just don't want to get myself involved in the "affair" between u and Alex.调皮

Affair? What a "great" word!
Am I deemed to be someone who has improper behavior?
最后由 沅芷澧兰 于 2009-06-03 16:59:19编辑
Date: 2009-06-03 16:57:57


引用溟生于2009-06-03 17:12发表的文章:
U know what?  a talented man and a beautiful lady are always a perfect match.
最后由 溟生 于 2009-06-03 17:12:22编辑

Where did you get the formula from? Our Chinese tradition?
Then what equals to a talented lady plus a good-looking guy? Let me know the answer~~
Btw, I've always regarded "beautiful" as a word to describe art pieces or scenery or something associate with such. When it comes to human beings, I rarely see beautiful people. I'm not beautiful, perhaps just presentable. Anyway, I would rather be talented than to be pretty.
Date: 2009-06-03 17:28:49


引用Alexcwlin于2009-06-04 02:18发表的文章:

沅芷澧兰: If the opportunity arise, u're definitely on the top of my list. Alex

Take it easy, Alex.
Unless I go jobless, I will not bother you for that.  ;p
Date: 2009-06-04 09:59:27


引用Alexcwlin于2009-06-04 02:12发表的文章:
溟生: Where's your sense of humor? Don't you think it's a more interesting way to introduce my points than to say: "Well, I think it should be this way." Alex
最后由 Alexcwlin 于 2009-06-04 02:15:06编辑

So you believe 溟生 lacks sense of humor? I think you too.
You were talking about French fries and I was saying that burgers could be a better choice. In fact I don't fancy burgers, especially hamburgers. So if you would to treat me with that, you better help yourself.
Date: 2009-06-04 10:15:29


引用Alexcwlin于2009-06-04 00:24发表的文章:
What? Did I only get 15 ICIBA points for talking all those nonsense (废话)? I can do better than that spending all that time babysitting (当临时保姆) some bratty (宠坏多无理要求) kids in Toronto.
To get back at  (报复) 溟生, I’m going to trash (大力评击) his idol’s...


Dear Alex, could you please don't put those additional explanatory notes (Chinese text)? The whole passage mixed with 2 languages, you think it eases understanding? I see it not being reader friendly. Really. You are insulting our intelligence.
Date: 2009-06-04 10:27:08


引用溟生于2009-06-04 01:15发表的文章:

I don't think I did anything wrong which deserves ur "getting back at me".
How unreasonable it is! 哼

In fact what I see unreasonable is that you gave Alex 15 points but I was only given 3. That's bias.
Date: 2009-06-04 10:30:07
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