郝连小妖
 
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主题："参赛＂　我的所爱－ｉＣＩＢＡ

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　　　　　　　　　　　我的所爱－ｉＣＩＢＡ
　　每天很自然的跑往他的地方，早就习惯了淡忘期间的脚步，回眸，微笑，
   Everyday, i usually  forget my footstep on the way to his home, the eyes encounter
and smile on face

那里有我深深的脚印，精彩满刻．
with my deeply footprint, which leaves my beautiful things.

   每天清晨，跳进窗口的阳光，亲切却不热烈，每一次睁开朦胧的眼睛，
      Everyday morning, the sunshine jump across  the windows, kind but not  passional, when i open my eyes , feeling fresh but mot please,

清新却又无奈，但每一回走入他的怀抱，
however ,everytime ,i arrive his home,

即便是在黄昏，在寒冷的夜晚，四壁夜暗，却也时时令我沉醉。夜凉如水，
even if is there on dusk or on  a cold night, the dark  around, i  am also deeply affected.
the weather is cold , the heart is hot ,the feeling is complicated ,the vision is nice.

朗朗依就，思绪万千，万紫千红。

   每一次走进他的怀抱，走进我最熟悉，最坦然的路程，走进我生命
   When  i  walk into  his home , walk on  my best  familiar  and best natural  way ,

诠释憧憬的天空，生活如同默默灿烂的水兰
walk in my dreamy  sky ,life  is  glad  as  a  coming-out orchid ,

花，平凡优雅，，满载脱俗．曾经几时的几多无奈，早已烟消云散，不知
simple and politer, which  full with  elegance, at that time ,i  lost  my  worries , which

所踪，也许化为天空的朵朵白云，也许化

为大地的颗颗泥粒，更也许早已化为我人生的另一种从容．
may turn white cloud ,  may  turn earth , or may turn  my  life's  easiness.

　　每一次跟他散步，漫谈，但每一次都满围他的迷者，热烈，亲切，谈笑
      when  i  take a  walk  with him ,his  fans  always  go  around, ardently ,kindly ,

风生，评说风流．在他的怀抱中自然滋
talking  the social trend, discussing the romance of him .with his care ,i  have some

生的习惯，习惯有他的简单日子．我,简简单单的一个月，简简单单的一
some simple habits. a  simple  month , a passage of  simple  history ,a  copy of simple ,

段历史，简简单单的一份的爱，造就了

我简简单单的一个未来之梦．
forming my simple dream for future.

　　在他的呵护下，经历简单秋季，走进幻想的冬季．几多梦，几多学，
      with his care, i experienced a simple autumn , walking  into a dreamy winter,

几许路，几许乐，几份希冀，几份情思，
having some dreams, having some studies, having some ways ,having some happiness,
having some copies of wishes ,and having some copies of  feelings.

点点滴滴，一应俱全．经历他的秋季，得到比失去显得更加容易，也更加
all dribs and drabs are occurring. experienced his  autumn , i  knew the gained is easier
than missing ,certainly, also looked like harder.but he made me know that  i  dont have

艰难，但他让我明白，我虽不拥有这个世

界，但我拥有我自己，拥有这生命中的一切．
the world ,i  have myself  and  the  everything things  appear  in  my  life.
　　夜间，上空有一弯明月，在明月下翻阅自己的心情，回味他的故事，
      At  night ,a  bendy moon  in the sky ,at that time ,i  turn over my  mood, recall

或喜或悲，或兴奋或郁闷，或希冀或无奈，
his stories, which are full of  happiness  or  sadness, which  make  excit  or  lose,
which have wishes  or  unpleaseness,

都会经历一条长长的路，仔仔细细走完他的每一条路，满心疲惫的同时，

却也附载着满心的希望．
that all  will  experience  a  long  way ,when  you  walk out  his  every  road with  care,
tired  but  wish.

　　心目中的我，心目中的他，和那一条心目中的长长的路，

我的所爱－ｉＣＩＢＡ．
      with  me  in  my  mood ,with  him  in my  mood ,  with  the  long  way  in  my  mood,  that all  my  love.-iCIBA.

最后由郝连小妖于 2007-12-20 16:40:02编辑

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本贴源自爱词霸沙龙，网址：http://sl.iciba.com/viewthread-2-385278-1.shtml 复制地址顶它一下 (1)

我的世界有我一个人的精彩

楼主 Date: 2007-12-14 22:45:01

彼岸莲花开

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nbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

沙发 Date: 2007-12-14 22:48:29

彼岸莲花开

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hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

板凳 Date: 2007-12-14 22:48:42

sle0523

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心目中的我，心目中的他，和那一条心目中的长长的路，

我的所爱－ｉＣＩＢＡ．

4 楼 Date: 2007-12-15 10:08:49

sle0523

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支持一下。。。。。。。。。。。

5 楼 Date: 2007-12-15 10:09:02

cindyxgf

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小妖。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。good

6 楼 Date: 2007-12-15 11:12:29

ADRIAN

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参赛编号003

7 楼 Date: 2007-12-15 17:36:54

DENNIS

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cool..........well done,
support.

8 楼 Date: 2007-12-16 03:15:05

litony

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even if is there on dusk or on a cold night, the dark around, i am also deeply affected.
the weather is cold , the heart is hot ,the feeling is complicated ,the vision is nice.

9 楼 Date: 2007-12-17 20:47:26

bigdoglin

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whether with or without victory , the challenge is always my desire ,ever ever .

10 楼 Date: 2007-12-19 00:29:54

Pheonix-Cac

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偶也想参加来，刚刚看见这个活动哦，郁闷，早就到截止日期了啊.

11 楼 Date: 2007-12-19 09:49:03

郝连小妖

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引用Pheonix-Cac于2007-12-19 09:49发表的文章:

偶也想参加来，刚刚看见这个活动哦，郁闷，早就到截止日期了啊.

呵呵,不哭,下次活动很快就来了

12 楼 Date: 2007-12-19 10:01:53

若尘

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顶小妖的文章

13 楼 Date: 2007-12-20 11:37:55

郝连小妖

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引用若尘于2007-12-20 11:37发表的文章:
顶小妖的文章

谢谢若尘!

14 楼 Date: 2007-12-20 13:52:58

郝连小妖

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参赛编号: 03
评分:80(英文部分)

点评：终于读懂了，“他”是指爱词霸。阅读该文章有点困难，部分句子我很欣赏，很优美，把文章的中心突显出来，句子的凝聚再加强，有些句子可删则删,以免成累赘,我相信你的文章一定会更好的！

我的所爱－ｉＣＩＢＡ　　每天很自然的跑往他的地方，早就习惯了淡忘期间的脚步，回眸，微笑， Everyday, i usually forget my footstep on the way to his home, the eyes encounterand (the) smile on face那里有我深深的脚印，精彩满刻．with my deeply(形容词，deep) footprint, which leaves my beautiful things. 每天清晨，跳进窗口的阳光，亲切却不热烈，每一次睁开朦胧的眼睛， Everyday morning (every morning), the sunshine jump across the windows, kind but not passional, when i open my eyes , feeling fresh but mot(问号？) please,清新却又无奈，但每一回走入他的怀抱，however ,everytime ,i arrive his home, 即便是在黄昏，在寒冷的夜晚，四壁夜暗，却也时时令我沉醉。夜凉如水，even if is there(there is) on dusk or on a cold night, the dark around, i am also deeply affected.the weather is cold , the heart is hot ,the feeling is complicated ,the vision is nice.朗朗依就，思绪万千，万紫千红。每一次走进他的怀抱，走进我最熟悉，最坦然的路程，走进我生命 When i walk into his home , walk on my best familiar and best natural way ,诠释憧憬的天空，生活如同默默灿烂的水兰walk in my dreamy sky ,life is glad as a coming-out orchid ,花，平凡优雅，，满载脱俗．曾经几时的几多无奈，早已烟消云散，不知simple and politer, which full with elegance, at that time ,i lost my worries , which 所踪，也许化为天空的朵朵白云，也许化为大地的颗颗泥粒，更也许早已化为我人生的另一种从容．may turn white cloud , may turn earth , or may turn my life's easiness.　　每一次跟他散步，漫谈，但每一次都满围他的迷者，热烈，亲切，谈笑 when i take a walk with him ,his fans always go around, ardently ,kindly ,风生，评说风流．在他的怀抱中自然滋talking the social trend, discussing the romance of him .with his care ,i have some 生的习惯，习惯有他的简单日子．我,简简单单的一个月，简简单单的一some simple habits. a simple month , a passage of simple history ,a copy of simple ,段历史，简简单单的一份的爱，造就了我简简单单的一个未来之梦．forming my simple dream for future.　　在他的呵护下，经历简单秋季，走进幻想的冬季．几多梦，几多学， with his care, i experienced a simple autumn , walking into a dreamy winter,几许路，几许乐，几份希冀，几份情思，having some dreams, having some studies, having some ways ,having some happiness,having some copies of wishes ,and having some copies of feelings.点点滴滴，一应俱全．经历他的秋季，得到比失去显得更加容易，也更加all dribs and drabs are occurring. experienced his autumn , i knew the gained is easierthan missing ,certainly, also looked like harder.but he made me know that i dont have 艰难，但他让我明白，我虽不拥有这个世界，但我拥有我自己，拥有这生命中的一切．the world ,i have myself and the everything things appear in my life.　　夜间，上空有一弯明月，在明月下翻阅自己的心情，回味他的故事， At night ,a bendy moon in the sky ,at that time ,i turn over my mood, recall 或喜或悲，或兴奋或郁闷，或希冀或无奈，his stories, which are full of happiness or sadness, which make excit(exciting) or lose,which have wishes or unpleaseness(unpleasantness),都会经历一条长长的路，仔仔细细走完他的每一条路，满心疲惫的同时，却也附载着满心的希望．that all will experience a long way ,when you walk out his every road with care,tired but wish.　　心目中的我，心目中的他，和那一条心目中的长长的路，我的所爱－ｉＣＩＢＡ． with me in my mood ,with him in my mood , with the long way in my mood, that all my love.-iCIBA.
almaling评滴.

15 楼 Date: 2007-12-20 16:02:39

郝连小妖

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我的所爱－ｉＣＩＢＡ
　　每天很自然的跑往他的地方，早就习惯了淡忘期间的脚步，回眸，微笑，
   Everyday, i usually  forget my footstep on the way to his home, the eyes encounter(这边encounter作后置定语吗？)
and smile on face

那里有我深深的脚印，精彩满刻．
with my deeply footprint, which leaves my beautiful things.（这边脚印复数啊，leaves错了）

   每天清晨，跳进窗口的阳光，亲切却不热烈，每一次睁开朦胧的眼睛，
      Everyday morning, the sunshine jump （jumps）across  the windows, kind but not  passional, when i open my eyes , feeling fresh but mot please(i feel fresh but not pleased),

清新却又无奈，但每一回走入他的怀抱，
however ,everytime ,i arrive (vi.不及物动词)his home,

即便是在黄昏，在寒冷的夜晚，四壁夜暗，却也时时令我沉醉。夜凉如水，
even if is there on dusk or on  a cold night, the dark  around, i  am also deeply affected.
the weather is cold , the heart is hot ,the feeling is complicated ,the vision is nice.

朗朗依就，思绪万千，万紫千红。

   每一次走进他的怀抱，走进我最熟悉，最坦然的路程，走进我生命
   When  i  walk into  his home , walk on  my best  familiar  and best natural  way ,

诠释憧憬的天空，生活如同默默灿烂的水兰
walk in my dreamy  sky ,life  is  glad  as  a  coming-out orchid ,

花，平凡优雅，，满载脱俗．曾经几时的几多无奈，早已烟消云散，不知
simple and politer, which  full with  elegance（be full of/be filled with）, at that time ,i  lost  my  worries , which

所踪，也许化为天空的朵朵白云，也许化

为大地的颗颗泥粒，更也许早已化为我人生的另一种从容．
may turn (into) white cloud ,  may turn earth , or may turn  my  life's  easiness.

　　每一次跟他散步，漫谈，但每一次都满围他的迷者，热烈，亲切，谈笑
      when  i  take a  walk  with him ,his  fans  always  go  around, ardently ,kindly ,

风生，评说风流．在他的怀抱中自然滋
talking  the social trend, discussing the romance of him .with his care ,i  have some

生的习惯，习惯有他的简单日子．我,简简单单的一个月，简简单单的一
some simple habits. a  simple  month , a passage of  simple  history ,a  copy of simple ...,

段历史，简简单单的一份的爱，造就了

我简简单单的一个未来之梦．
forming my simple dream for future.

　　在他的呵护下，经历简单秋季，走进幻想的冬季．几多梦，几多学，
      with his care, i experienced a simple autumn , walking  into a dreamy winter,

几许路，几许乐，几份希冀，几份情思，
having some dreams, having some studies, having some ways ,having some happiness,
having some copies of wishes ,and having some copies of  feelings.

点点滴滴，一应俱全．经历他的秋季，得到比失去显得更加容易，也更加
all dribs and drabs are occurring. experienced his  autumn , i  knew the gained is easier
than missing (than 前后不对称),certainly, also looked like harder.but he made me know that  i  dont have

艰难，但他让我明白，我虽不拥有这个世

界，但我拥有我自己，拥有这生命中的一切．
the world ,i  have myself  and  the  everything things appear  in  my  life.
　　夜间，上空有一弯明月，在明月下翻阅自己的心情，回味他的故事，
      At  night ,a  bendy moon  in the sky ,at that time ,i  turn over my  mood, recall

或喜或悲，或兴奋或郁闷，或希冀或无奈，
his stories, which are full of  happiness  or  sadness, which  make excit  or  lose,
which have wishes  or  unpleaseness,

都会经历一条长长的路，仔仔细细走完他的每一条路，满心疲惫的同时，

却也附载着满心的希望．
that all  will  experience  a  long  way ,when  you walk out  his  every  road with  care,
tired but  wish.

　　心目中的我，心目中的他，和那一条心目中的长长的路，

我的所爱－ｉＣＩＢＡ．
      with  me  in  my  mood ,with  him  in my  mood ,  with  the  long  way  in  my  mood,  that all  my  love.-iCIBA.

72
cindyxgf 评滴.

16 楼 Date: 2007-12-20 16:05:36

郝连小妖

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003我的所爱－ｉＣＩＢＡ　
小妖的文字很温情，感觉象是在看韩剧一样，聆听到的都是深情，却不做作，虽不华丽，却很醇香。
评分：82分
冰心芳子评滴.

17 楼 Date: 2007-12-20 16:09:08

郝连小妖

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参赛编号003(中文部分)
75分。
文字华美，但与题不是很镶嵌。
雨过天未晴评滴.

18 楼 Date: 2007-12-20 16:10:37

郝连小妖

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还好不是最差,小妖已经很满足了,谢谢大家.

19 楼 Date: 2007-12-20 16:21:09

slina

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so sorry for that ...
missed the number 3 ...
all my fault...

20 楼 Date: 2007-12-21 15:35:46

slina

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编号： 003
分数： 81
很带感情的一首诗，把 iciba 比作是自己的爱人。语法错误偶就不讲了，有一部分哦。。。
还有就是作者的排版。。。诗歌么，排版不好的话很影响读者的情绪的。。。
希望作者以后能从中吸取经验。。。

21 楼 Date: 2007-12-21 19:42:07

主题："参赛＂ 我的所爱－ｉＣＩＢＡ

主题："参赛＂　我的所爱－ｉＣＩＢＡ